Dark Side
by ramblingkitten
Summary: What happens when you can't accept your dark side? Bad summary i promise there's more to it.


Title: Dark Side

Rating: T for safety because of the angst

Pairing: Captain Swan

Characters: Emma Swan, Captain Killian 'Hook' Jones

Chapter: 1/1

Summary: What happens when you can't accept the dark side of yourself?

A/N - I own nothing. Thanks to the TC ladies for inspiring my muse, Muckfuffins, Stormbravers, Infinitehazels and Metronomeblue especially for that angstfest we had yesterday lol. Beta-free so if you see really really bad mistakes please tell me so i can fix it. Enjoy, sorry in advance.

Emma hadn't seen much of Hook in the past few weeks since the accident. She barely had any time to talk to him in the hospital. She would catch glimpses of him leaving Granny's or the pharmacy with supplies but then he'd be gone. She wanted to know how he was getting any of it; and if she was honest with herself she wanted to know if he was okay. She finally caved on a slow afternoon at the station. She drove down to the marina, trying to remember what Archie had told her about the location. When she finally found the stairs she tried not to freak out as she climbed. The idea of climbing onto an invisible ship was still baffling to her. As she crossed the deck of the ship she looked for a door or something to find her way below. She climbed the short stairs to an upper deck and found what she was looking for. She took once last glance to the docks before she climbed down; mentally chiding herself for not telling someone where she was going.

She wobbled a few times walking through the hull of the ship looking for Hook. She heard a noise coming from behind a door that seemed to be slightly nicer than the rest; she could only assume it was the captain's quarters. She knocked on the hard wooden door and waited on the other side. She heard him moving around in there and yet he didn't come to the door. She tried a second time and waited. When he still didn't even acknowledge her she spoke up.

"Hook, I can hear you in there." She called to him through the door. Suddenly it was thrust open causing her to automatically take a step back.

"What do you want, Swan?" He asked her through gritted teeth. The bruises on his face had faded almost to imperceptibility but if you looked hard enough you noticed it still. His breathing and the way he held himself, told her his ribs were giving him trouble.

"I," she started, trying to get past the fact he was missing his vest and coat. His black linen shirt hanging loosely on his body, it was barely thick enough to be considered a real shirt. She could see the muscles she had only briefly felt when she pulled him away from the trip wire. She cleared her throat refusing to meet his eyes; she knew what she'd find there. "I wanted to see if you were healing okay. I saw you at the pharmacy and before I could ask you were gone." She told him wincing at how lame it sounded even to her ears. "Can I uh, come in?" Hook merely raised an eyebrow at her question and then stepped out of the way going into the inner part of his quarters. Emma followed quietly behind her fingers fiddling with the zipper on her red leather jacket. She glanced around taking in the book shelves filled with books or all sizes, the maps on the walls and on an old ornate looking desk. There was a large bed against the back wall, which looked extremely fluffy for a guy's bed. She looked up to Hook who was leaning against the foot board of the bed, his trademark smirk plastered on his face.

"I'll ask again, what do you want Swan?" He asked her his arms crossed over his chest. She sighed and looked him over again, trying to judge how his injuries really were. He never should have left the hospital when he did. She was actually surprised he didn't disappear the first night. They must have put him on some impressive pain killers after she got Whale to treat him. "Well?"

"I wanted to know if you were healing okay; and where you got the money to buy food." She told him crossing her arms and staring him down.

"As you can see I am just fine." He drawled out to her stepping forward into her personal space. It didn't get past her he didn't bother with the question about money. She knew how he got it and he wasn't about to placate her by lying, which she should be shocked by.

"Right you're fine. That's why you shot Belle and ran away from the hospital when I tried to ask you a few simple questions." Emma shot back. The fire I his eyes lit and she noticed his jaw clenched.

"I shot her because he deserved to lose EVERYTHING just like I did!" He growled in her face, forcing her to take a step back as he advanced.

"OH yes because petty revenge is always the answer!" Emma shouted at him.

"Petty revenge? You think this was petty revenge?" Hook queried as he forced her to take another step back.

"You stole his wife! I don't see how this all isn't a battle of petty revenge." She told him her voice even as she tried to stand her ground.

"Is that what you think? She came to me, she begged me to take her away. Now how is that stealing?" He asked her, his voice hissing through his teeth and locked jaw. When Emma didn't have an answer he went on. "He killed her; he ripped out her heart and crushed it in front of me. All because she loved me." Hook hissed to Emma, his voice breaking. Emma shook her head.

"That still doesn't give you the right to use Belle. She's done nothing to you!" Emma objected.

"She choose to love the crocodile, she made her choice." He hissed at her. Emma reached up to slap him but he was faster than her despite being injured. He grabbed her arm and pushed her back until she hit the book case. He pressed his body against hers and trapped her wrists under his good hand. His hook trailed across her cheek as he leaned he face in closer to her. "You can't stop me Emma. You think you won that sword fight? I could of killed you many times." His voice was lower and Emma could see the rage that filtered through his eyes. "I could have you right now if I wanted," he hissed into her ear as his hook trailed down her neck. He pulled back so that he was looking into her eyes when he spoke again. "I could kill you and you wouldn't even be able to stop me."

Emma tried to stop the shudder that wanted to run through her in fear, but that didn't stop the look of fear that flashed in her eyes. Hook stopped his movements of his hook when he saw the flash of fear. His eyes widened in recognition of who he had pinned against the wall. He abruptly shoved himself away from her and walked away. He cursed under his breath as he walked; his body shaking from the uncontrolled emotions raging through his body. Emma was frozen in shock against the bookcase as she watched him. Hook fell to the floor on his knees and bowed his head to his chest. His shoulders tense and his body coiled tight.

"Get out Emma." He called back to her in a placating voice. When he didn't hear her move away he tilted his head back towards her and snapped, "Get out!" His head fell forward again as he tried to cope. Emma stood on shaky legs as she watched the man in front of her. She saw how broken he really was. She may not like what he did to Belle, hell she still wanted to smack him for it. But she was pretty sure if she did he would just take it and not care. From what Belle remembered from the line she said he had told the crocodile to do his worst. It was like he was asking for death. "Emma leave," he grunted at her without moving. He was trying to hold himself together long enough for her to leave. Once she was gone he could take his emotions out on his quarters.

"No," Emma finally managed to squeak out. "You don't look like you should be alone right now." She told him as she warily watched him from her spot she was rooted in.

"After all I just did, you want to help me? Why would you want to help a monster like me?" He asked her clearly bewildered with her actions.

"You're not a monster. An asshole yes, but you're not a monster." She told him, trying to find the courage to walk over to him. Hook just shook his head.

"Oh but I am lass. I'm not him, I don't want to be him; but he's a part of me and I can't get rid of him." He told her in a defeated whisper. Emma carefully walked over to him and stood in front of him. He didn't even flinch or lift his head to look at her. She frowned; she wondered where the cocky pirate that climbed the beanstalk with her went.

"Hook?" Emma called to him, trying to get him to look up at her. When he did she had to hold in a gasp of shock at the look of utter defeat and pain etched in his eyes and all over his face.

"I'm not him, I don't want to be him; but he's a part of me and I can't get rid of him." He told her his voice quaking with emotions he'd held tight for so long. Suddenly Emma understood. She knelt down to his level and placed her left hand on his cheek, her right hand settling over his heart.

"Killian, we all have that part of us. That dark side of us that we've built up to protect us, that holds the worst of us inside. You have to learn how to be both. You can't let one side control you or you won't be able to breathe. It'll get to a point where all you feel is pain and heartbreak and it sucks. I know it does; but you have to learn to live with the pain because it's what makes us who we are." Emma told him, her eyes pleading with him to understand.

"I'm not a good person Emma. I've lived nearly four centuries; I've done a lot of bad things in my life. I'm not worth being saved." He told her, his voice hollow.

"I've done bad things, maybe not pirate bad but still. I've seen you do some good things too and I'm sure you've done other good things in your life. The good things may not soften the bad things, but the trick is that the bad things don't always spoil the good things and make them unimportant." She told him, secretly glad she had agreed to watch that silly show with Henry. The crazy man in a bow tie had made a really good point.

"What if they don't?" He asked her, his voice sounding so broken.

"Then we need to make you some good memories and show you that it's worth living. That it's worth the mixture of good and bad things." She explained to him, her voice soft. Hook shook his head sadly in her hold.

"I have nothing left to live for anymore Emma, I couldn't even die right!" He snapped at her and at that Emma slapped him hard across his face.

"Don't you dare say that! Don't you ever say that!" She ordered him. She had no idea why that made her feel such a sharp pain in her heart but she couldn't bear it if he died. No matter what he had put her through, she felt physically ill at the thought of him gone. Hook looked back at her in shock at her words. She placed her hand back against his cheek and rubbed the place she hit. She lets herself feel his heart beating beneath her palm on his chest, proving that he is here and alive. She has to blink back tears as her memories take her back to the night Graham died in her arms. The thought of loosing someone else like that is too much for her.

"Emma," Hook started to say but she shook her head to cut him off. He studied her face, trying to figure out where the emotion was coming from.

"You deserve to be saved Killian, you deserve to have happiness and love again. Let me help you." She insisted to him. She didn't know why she felt this strange connection to him. She didn't understand it in the giant's castle and she sure as hell didn't get it now. All she knew is she wanted to care about him even if it was the most dangerous idea she'd had in a long time.

"Why would you help me? After all I've done, why would you help me?" He asked her. Hook looked her face over and stared into her eyes trying to read the emotions that were bouncing around inside of them.

"Because someone once asked me for help and I didn't believe them. I lost them then; I won't go through that again if I can help it." She told him softly, her voice quivering slightly with emotion she held in check for so long. Hook tilted his head to the side as he watched her.

"What was his name?" He asked her quietly. Emma tried not to be shocked at how easily he could read her. She never really shared this with anyone.

"Graham, his name was Graham. He was the sheriff before me, the huntsman in your land. He tried to tell me that Regina had his heart and I didn't believe him. I didn't believe in the curse until it was too late. He died in my arms. We weren't together but we could have been. I never got the chance to find out." Emma told him, her voice quiet and far away as she got lost in the memories. Hook reached his good hand up and caressed her cheek; his thumb softly brushing away the silent tears that had fallen down her cheeks. Somehow despite this starting out as her trying to comfort him, he was comforting her. When her eyes refocused on his, he saw the same pain he was sure was once etched in his own. Before he had let his pain consume him and the rage take over.

"I'm sorry love." He whispered to her, his voice sincere. Emma cracked a soft smile for him.

"Let me help you Killian. Let me show you there's something to live for." She pleaded with him, she wasn't about to lose someone else.

"I'll never be a hero or a prince for you Emma." Hook told her resignedly.

"I'm not asking for you to be either of those things. You just have to live and be a better man." Emma told him.

"And if I fail?" he asked her, his eyes carefully watching her.

"If you fail than at least it means you tried." Emma explained as she tried to keep her eyes on him. Hook contemplated it for a minute and when she thought he was going to disregard everything she said she spoke again. "I'm not asking you to stop loving her, or to love me; I just want you to try and live and see there's more to it all." She quickly stammered out, mentally cursing herself with a slight smirk graced his face.

"Emma, I chose you on that beanstalk, it was you who ran away and didn't choose me back. I will always choose you Emma." He told her softly. Emma let out a small chuckle and shook her head. "You are becoming a part of me, love. I just don't know if I will be able to feel again." He told her with a soft sigh.

"Then we just have to find a way to heal your heart then." Emma remarked with a small smile. Killian pulled her closer with his left arm and rested his forehead against hers.

"Aye, that we will love." He told her with a smile his hand sliding back to cradle her head as he pulled her into a soft kiss. As their lips touched they both were filled with warmth. His eyes closing as she returned the kiss. Her lips moved softly against his while his tongue gently caressing hers as they moved together. Emma sighed into the kiss, her hand moving to the back of his head; her fingers twisting the soft hair they found. Their lips moved together, taking and giving back a tenderness neither knew they were capable of. Killian could taste the saltiness of her tears in the kiss; the taste briefly made him think of the sea. When air became a necessity they pulled apart, Killian kissed her cheeks and eyes trying to kiss away her tears. When he pulled back he gave her a soft smile that she quickly returned.

"So, what now?" He asked her softly, not really ready to find out.

"Now, we work on making you good memories." She replied with a smile. To her shock the answer only got her a real smile in return. No innuendo laden smirk on his face or joke. She slowly stood up and pulled him to his feet. When she saw him fail to keep in a yawn she pushed him towards his bed. She had a feeling he hadn't had a decent nights rest since getting to town with Cora. Once he was laid down she pulled her jacket off and kicked her sneakers away. She sent a quick text to Snow asking her to get Henry and that she'd explain later before she curled up next to him. She laid her head down on his chest so she could hear his heart beat. She sighed against him as his arms wrapped around her and his breathing evened out. It wasn't long until his heart beat lulled her to sleep as well.


End file.
